Underwater Real Estate Tycoon Can’t Jump from Foreclosed Property
Underwater real estate tycoon Frank Eddard attempted to jump to his death yesterday afternoon.
Dictator Shares Secrets at Kindergarten Career Fair
President-Prime-Minister-for-Life Yevgeny Khomeni Chen delighted local kindergarten students when he made a surprise appearance at their ‘Career Fair 23’ event.
Aliens Threaten to Destroy Earth Because of AI
AI is basically the Athletes Foot of the universe – it’s damned uncomfortable and it’s really annoying to eradicate.
New AI Rescues Readers from AI-Generated Blather
I was reading LinkedIn on the can one day and I found myself wondering just how much of my feed was AI-generated regurgitated pap created by so-called ‘content creators’
Prigozhin Retires from Wagner, Becomes Life Coach
F$JNews had the chance to catch up with the famous mercenary at his new office on the 12th floor of the new Defenestration Tower in downtown Belarus.
Business Guru Reveals His Secrets
At first, the offices on the 42nd floor of the Hitchhiker Tower seemed bland and ordinary. It took only one frosted door before we realized just how usual it was.
New EVTOL Shocks Industry
Flight of Fantasy’s new EVTOL managed to meet all of its requirements. It carried out a full day of fully laden flight at advertised distances with the projected on-the-ground turnaround times. To date, no other EVTOL has come close to meeting these objectives. F$JNews reached out to Flight of Fancy’s colorful founder, Hitten daPipe, for a brief interview.
To Investors, Manure Company Smells Like Roses
I approach the trailer cautiously. Although I’m expected, people have been known to get shot knocking on the wrong doors in these parts. But there is to be no unfriendly greeting today. Instead, before I even reach the door, a big man with happily bobbing jowls opens the door and steps outside.
“Well, hi there!” he says, “Y’all must be the reporters from FSJNews.”
COO Sees ‘Face of Business’ During LSD Trip
“I suddenly understood everything. The whole organization was like a living organism before my eyes… I understood what factors had the largest impact on the business – even the non-obvious ones. I could see past the existing data and into the truth of the corporation. I could sense redundancies and inefficiencies and picture the effects of remediating them. I could understand the implications of every decision I could make. It was a pure business revelation.”
Man Invests $399, Actually Discovers Wall Street Secrets
Man’s life is actually changed by $399 investment in Wall Street Secrets…